Inner Space

No tengo una tarjeta de AAA
"Hello?"

"Yes, hello Ms. Long, this is Jeff at the Sears Auto Center. I'm the one working on your car."

"Oh yes, hi...."

"Um well there's a problem, your keys are in your car and your doors are locked. I don't supposed your have an extra?"

At this point I was ready to chuck the phone at the nearest solid structure. Except for the fact that I had just replaced my phone because that had also been broken. My car had died at the Post Office, but fortunately a guy from the dealership had been nice enough to give me enough juice to get to Sears.

"No, the only extra key is at home."

"Well, we could just get the police to come down here, but you'll have to come on back down to the counter.."

"So it doesn't look like your breaking in to my car, got it."

A kind lady with long burnette hair and a nice smile called the non emergency number for me and within five minutes the boys in blue had popped my locks open for me. I love cops. When they're not flashing their lights at me.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: still Linkin Park

Shadow Horse Farm
Yep. I was holding the reins of a 17-hand(ful) cantankerous horse. Sam, stared at me, snorted and pawed the barn floor with his roof in protest to being taken away from his bountiful pile of sweet hay and tied up in a barn. Courtney was in the other part of the barn getting the largest saddle possible for His Most Royal Behemoth and I was hanging on to him with a bag of carrots in my pocket. Usefull things, carrots.

After making several frustrated horse noises, I huffed and snorted right back at him and his look of annoyance changed to confusion and disbelief. "WwwwwhAt....?" After getting my big toe broken my an angry mare, I've learned that you have to be just as stubborn as horses in order to get them to cooperate. And use bribes in the form of food.

I didn't ride Sam (which was okay because I didn't have my helmet) but I took numerous photos of him trotting, walking, looking at me, looking for food, and trying to eat the camera. Courtney was very pleased, more so with me than with Sam because he was uncooperative.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Linkin Park

"What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"
Dear Fellow Rats at Animal Housing,
I am content with my new surrounding. My new keeper has introduced me to many new sights and smells. We arrived in what she called CAR, a very noisey contraption not to my liking. My new cage is proving to be most accomodating and highly entertaining. Except for the round, spinning thing that seems to have no purpose. Keeper has also given me bits of BANANA and APPLE. Much better than the flavorless nutrition pellets we are used to.

There is also CAT here, who apparently is scared witless of me and won't come near my cage. I believe CAT is jealous of the attention that Keeper is giving me. I have been moved from Keeper's room to a new vista with a constant temperature and easy access to HUMAN.

I do however miss Trainer. Keeper is talented at making life amusing for me, but Trainer's adeptness for games and challenging activities is hard to match. I admit to making messes on purpose to see if somehow Trainer will appear and scold me with his usual 'eww' or 'no!' So far this method has been unsuccessful. I believe that Trainer is maybe being put through challenging activities not to disimilar from my own. I wonder if he too, gets CHEERIOS.

sincerely, Natalie
In the Care of Keeper

Current Mood: chipper

Countdown T-minus 24hours

Its that time of year again. Not the warm and fuzzy feeling of break and dancing gums drops, but the overwhelming sense of horror when I realize that I have to fit everything in my car. Books, clothes, laundry, boo boo (my bamboo plant) and may other things that don't seem to take up a lot of space until I'm staring an the trunk of my car.

Anywho I am looking forward to being a lazy couch bum. Yay for TV! And then there's my brother's gamecube and my cats. I have to say that this is my favorite break because its full of lights, smells, FOOD and no homework! None! So if I get really bored this is what I'll end up doing....

with my electric guitar...

Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Skillet

Dear Santa

And all I want for Christmas is a legal drug dispenser.....

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Linkin Park

Major British Authors
And then Dr. Reid takes one of his well known tangents, "Johnson was a large, portly man with a terrific appetite." He cocks his head to his left side and looks appraisingly at the ceiling. "It was probably because he was poor for a large part of his life." Dr. Reid then writes the dates 1709-1755. My eyes are burning and I have the unnerving feeling that someone is going to take a piece of rebar the the back of my head. Forty minutes left in class. Youhavegottomekiddingme.

Just one of the many flashbacks I have of Major British writers. I love Dr. Reid, but dead british people are just not that interesing. With the exception of Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton and Pope. Marvell is nice but overrated. And Sir Thomas Malory should have never been given a pen and paper. But give me John Donne any day! There are only three things he talks about: God, death and women. Lots of women.

"...and many people would rather cut off the button than have to listen to Coleridge for hours about his new ideas. So don't let Coleridge grab your button, [chuckle]."

You just gotta love Dr. Reid.

PS - I really enjoyed everyones blogs and I woulda commented on them on but that would have taken forever. Or as you would say in "Sandlot", FOR-E-VER.

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Skillet

The Night of the Red Bull
If Harryette Mullin is a poet than I am a genius.

In my final draft of my critical essay for my advanced expository writing class, I came across this poem: “ack-ack, aye-aye / Baa baa, Baba, Bambam, Bebe, Berber, Bibi….Zizi, ZsaZsa, Zouzou, Zuzu,” (Mullen, Sleeping with the Dictionary). I look at the clock. It's 1:30am and I've already imbibed half a can of Red Bull. Am I hallucinating? To my knowledge stimulants don't usually have hallucinatory side effects. But to make sure I grabbed my #2 pencil and scribbled down the following:

There once was a teacher named Keller
And people were afraid to tell her
That her students were dead
Because it was said
That death is what they'd prefer

And as the Grinch would say, "AAHHH! I'm speaking in RHYME!" And as my father would say, "Ho ho ho, d@##it!"

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: silence

MIA
MISSING PROPERTY REPORT
Department of Missing Stuff
Reported: December 7th, 2004

PLEASE BE ADVISED:
Earlier this morning the Emory Police Department informed the populus that a college student's brain has gone missing. It was last seen at 5am in the Emory Village and is described has being grey, wrinkled and spouting random broadcasting information. If you encounter it, immediantly notify the proper authorities, preferably Animal Control or MacGyver.

ENCL: Enclosed in this report is a paper clip, a rubber band and a Wagon Fulla Pancakes.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Mission Impossible Theme Song

The Life Board Game
c)Milton Bradley Company

Media Advisory

FOR IMMEDIANTE RELEASE - December 3, 2004

FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT:
Milton Bradley
www.hasbro.com

The Game of Life is About to Change

Because of the current standards of living and the growing populus of transgender and homosexual persons, the Milton Bradley Company has released an updated version of The Game of Life that includes the following changes:

GETTING MARRIED
When you reach this space, stop even if you have moves left. Take a LIFE Tile and add 1 people peg to your car. You may choose a male or a female partner. If you choose a partner of your same gender, also pick up a LYNCHED tile that indicates possible discrimination against you that will activate when you land on the TAXES square. Then spin and move again.

BABIES
Whenever you land on a Baby Boy or Baby Girl space, add 1 people peg to your car. If you land on a Twins space, add 2 people pegs to your car. On all of these spaces, take a LIFE Tile too! You now have received the title of "soccer parent." You will now received tax breaks when you land on the TAXES squares, but no more loans from the bank. And can you pick up some milk when you're at the grocery story, honey? Thanks.

HOUSES
The category of houses will now include the new cards of "Bachelor Pad" (for $35,000, insurance is $30,000) and "Ghetto Apartment" (for $10,000, insurance is $5,000).

Special Police Officer Rule:
Notice that there's only 1 Career Space for the Police Officer. That's because any opponent caught speeding (spinning 10) must pay the Police Officer $5,000! If however you are a donut vender, you pay nothing and spin again.

c)1991 Milton Bradley Company (hasbro.com). All Rights Reserved. 4000-XI

#####

(PS - okay I made this up, but feel free to add your own changes as well.)

"and aw dat"
WTF?! I've never seen Patrick post so much ever! Wow, go Trick!
Anywho, yes I am still alive, yes I am uber-busy, and no I do not like green eggs and ham.

I however did play around in my Advanced Expository Writing class and ended up with this...

December 2, 2004 - "Waiting"

I hate waiting.
Sometimes I get the overwhelming feeling that I've been waiting all my life.
For a smile,
a gesture,
an answer.

And that I'm about to break out of my skin from frustration and anxiety.
Like a bullet out of a gun.
Today I'm waiting for a person, a camera and a window of hope.
The metal monstrosity that my professor assures me is a light kit, is waiting too.
For someone to flip the switch and be amazed the intensity of its spectrum.
For the electricity to travel up its battered, metal spine and flood its receivers with volts with which it will send light out into the world.
Like a blinding, hot, white eye.

I am that light.
My switch is waiting to be triggered,
except I don't know where it is.
I feel like I have been swimming underneath the service of the water all my life, anticipating when I will break free
and see the sky for the first time.

Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: anything on 94.9 FM

Hibernation, Needles and Kilts
I LIKE SLEEP
Sleeping, eating, TV, Final Fantasy IX and good home-cooked meals are my ideas of a good break. I've been averaging at least nine to ten hours a night, which makes up for all the sleep deprivation I had during pledge week.

RADIOLOGY
Unfortunately I've had to visit the hospital twice. Nothing serious. I had to get some blood work done to see how my synthoid levels were doing. Just what the doctor ordered.

Following the normal blood check up routine, I had to go without food or synthoid for 12 hours before the blood test. Dad promised to take me out to get a Hardee's cheese biscuit afterwards, so I was fine with fasting for a while. Can I get coffee too? Oooo what about a cinnimon bun?

We get to the cramped radiology lab and they poke me. Right as I was joking with the nurse about how I would make a horrible drug addict because my veins are hard to find, everything went black.

I wake up a couple minutes later to my father craddling me and a nurse shoving a juice box in my face. Another nurse goes, "Awww, honey you should have eaten something before you got here." If I hadn't been so groggy I would've glared at her.

Fast forward. I come back the next day and they give me to a beefy looking pro nurse armed with a butterfly needle and a gurney. Quick and painless. Come to find out, my levels were fine. (I coulda told 'em that! Whateva.)

HE WAS WEARING BOXERS
Anywho. My family + my brother's girlfriend (another story) went to Radford University's annual Highland Festival that has everything from swirled potato snacks to log throwing contests. You gotta love traditions that just make no sense. Seeing someone throw a 20 foot log ten feet is pretty impressive though. Ironically enough his kilt came off after he heaved the timber, but fortunately enough he was wearing boxers. And the crowd cheered. Scotland rocks.

Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Maroon Five

One LONG Day
(static)
Begin transmission.......

Just to let you guys know that I'm still alive and breathing. Its been a loooong day and its going to be an even looooonger week. So you'll probably won't see neither hide nor hair of me until later. Except Andy because he wears green.

So it's about two in the morning and I just finally got ready for bed. Fortunately I'm still in one piece. After the flash (stove) fire at the OXE dinner, the crazy Tennessee drivers that don't use their blinkers or depth perception before they break and this stupid cold, I'm glad to be alive. Or as close as I can. Mazel tov.

Being assistant pledgemom rocks by the way. I have to brag about our new sisters because they are just so cool! They work so well as a group and are friggin hilarious. Today on the way back from the middle of nowhere, Monica, Ann, Mary and I sang along to the "you say tomato" song at the top of our lungs while playing the game of "catch up to Jamie's car."

End of transmission.....
(static)

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: whateva

Cry Me a Freakin River
First of all let's go ahead and gets some things out in the open. I think everyone can agree that this semester has started out rocky and none of us want it to end that way. Good. Bring on the therapy.

Kannan:
Sorry for the angry phone call. Monday is the only day that I can cuss, so I use it. I'm still angry at you so I'm going to aviod you until I can heal. There's nothing you can do to speed the process. Thank you for giving me room that I've needed so far.

Leigh:
You're an amazing woman, but get a hobby and leave the boys alone for a while. You're still not sure who you are yet, so you don't know you want in a relationship. You're a wonderful, smart and funny person and you do not need a guy to be happy. I'm not saying don't like guys or hang out with guys, I'm saying don't think that you NEED one. You do not need their approval, you do not need anyone's approval to be who you are.

Andy:
Buck up. You are not the underpaid sidekick. You are a strong, loyal and affectionate person who stands out on their own. Dear goodness, I think you're one of the coolest/good looking guys on campus. And you wear green.

Patrick:
Stop abusing you body. Save it for the Olympics. Actually that's just a joke. Thanks letting me tag along to see Natalie all those times.

I'm sorry if this all sounds a little harsh but I am going NUCKING FUTS with all this drama. I don't want to hear anyone's sob story, I don't want to hear the he-said she said and I don't want to know the latest gossip on anyone. But when it comes to that kinda stuff just LEAVE ME ALONE.

News Flash. This kind of drama is supposed to happen in high school. In under four years we are all going to be in the REAL WORLD where nobody cares about you or your feelings. I'm here to get my degrees and graduate with a reasonable amount of my sanity still intact. I still want to hang out with all of my friends but not at the cost of my well-being.

Its not that I don't care about anyone's feelings its just that the priviledge of my shoulder-to-cry-on has been abused. I've heard enough this semester to drive a pyschotherapist crazy. I also have some personal issues to work out that I won't go into, but please don't take all this the wrong way. I'm just saying what I think.

Current Mood: drained

Mis-Hearing
Due to fatigue I've been "mishearing" things, so I searched the internet to assure myself that this is a widely spread condition. And thus I stumbled upon an archive of misheard lyrics....

Song: Sexual Healing
Artist: Marvin Gaye

The real lyrics were:
Darling, you're so great
I can't wait for you to operate

The misheard lyrics:
Darling, you're so great
I can't wait for you to ovulate

Song: Jesus Is Just Alright with Me
Artist: Doobie Brothers

The real lyrics were:
Jesus is just alright with me.

But I misheard them as:
Jesus is just a rap in "E."

Therefore I feel vindicated. Well, that and I had communion twice yesterday.

Current Mood: working
Current Music: Strong Bad Techno

Back at Emory
The only bad thing about already being back at school is the over welcoming lack of noise. I'm used to my brother singing mock-opera in the bathroom at the top of his lungs while his stereo is blazing pop music. So I have this overwhelming since of urgency to be very loud to fill the silence. I would whip out my guitar and my amp, but my hallmates are already asleep.

But at least I have a My Little Pony to play with. (It's a birthday present, I kid you not, I actually asked for pony and got one. Santa never came through.)

So I can't wait for everyone to move in! I'm going crazy with friend-withdraw and I've had enough "me" time this summer to last me another year. Oy! So when you guys make it here, bang down my door or rescue me from Whitetopper training.

Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: rocking it out for Jesus with SWITCHFOOT!

Mistress of the Iron Fist
So I've been reading this hilarious self-help book by Neil Zawaki entitled "How to BE a VILLIAN: evil laughs, secret lairs, master plans and more!" And I've decided that if I become an evil nemesis to some do-gooder in spandex then I will call myself Mistress of the Iron Fist, live in an abandoned, but quite homey, church and have minions of ninja warriors.

My master plan will be to accumulate several multi-billion dollar corporations that mass produce essential goods and use the money I make to pay off politicians and news corporations, allowing me infiltrate society with sublimenal messages to buy my goods. From there I intend to buy a small, well hidden, eastern European country to begin my larger base of operations which will include manufacturing robo-moths that only eat polka dots and cheap destop computers that crash every time you try to press 'Save".

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

ID Cards and Sea Monkeys
So last Friday, Julie and I go up to Charlottesville to see my old high school friends Katie and Chris.

For dinner we went to the "downtown mall" which is actually a beautiful brick-laiden street with historic buildings and shops. Due to a large amount of peer pressure and the strong desire to finally use my ID, I order my very first beer EVER. The beer was NASTY but watching the waitress look at my driver's license for five minutes was funny. She kept looking at the date and then looking and me. And then looking at the date again. Good times. LOL.

That night Slinky the Cat was trying to look out the window at three in the morning (and meowing LOUDY for me to help). Before I could raise the blinds for him, Slinky had wedged his head between the blinds and the window. This caused the blinds to push a plastic aquarium full of breeding sea monkeys off the ledge and onto the floor.

And because the little critters are so hard to see, I just thought it was an aquarium full of water or something. So I sopped up the mess with a paper towel, threw it away and went back to bed on the fold out couch. And of course chastised Slinky for being so impatient.

The next morning I told Katie that Slinky and I had an accident and pointed to the empty aquarium. Katie's eyes got huge and she screamed to her roomate "BECCA, the sea monkeys are dead!"

Becca comes in, looks at the empty aquarium and says, "It's about damn time!"

Katie explains that the now deceased brine shrimp belonged to Lacy (who is at boot camp right now) who had owned them for quite sometime and had announced that the sea monkeys were about to have babies.

Everyone else however was happy to see the creatures gone and considered it justice for Lacy not moving them to her room like everyone had asked her to.

"Good Slinky! Such a good cat!" - Katie

Current Mood: surprised
Current Music: "Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones

Birthdays and Construction
(Singing):
"I wanna ROCK and ROLL all night (do do do do do DO) and party EVERYDAY!"

So its my party and I'll buy if I want too. I'm thinking of taking my parents to Cracker Barrel for my 21st birthday on Friday and thanking them for deciding that they wanted to have kids.

My dad keeps joking that we should buy a six pack and kick back on the porch. I know for a fact that he IS joking because number one, he doesn't drink and number two, our porch has been torn off the house.

By contractors fortunately. The roof and deck are being replaced because they look like the rotting side of an old barn. And the deck kinda 'gives' a little too much when you walk on it. So instead of waiting for someone to fall through the deck and on to the concrete patio ten feet below, we decided to go ahead and fix it. Gotta love forward thinking.

So everynowandthen I am ungracefully awoken to the sound of chainsaws and hammers at 7:30am.

LOVELY.

And if these men wake me up on my birthday, I will put ex-lax in their lemonade and lock the house. (They have no Port-a-Potty.)

So until then I will try to convince my parents that they owe me the pony I never got for Christmas when I was little.

"I wanna ROCK and ROLL all night........."

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Classic Rock

Driving Stick and Harry Potter
My adventures with a five-speed Nissan Maxima have been educational to say the least. I've learned that you have to 'slip' the clutch in first gear until you have enough momentum to get going and that you can 'pop' the clutch without hitting the gas, when shifting up.

It's like physics all over again except without dirty old 'Mr. Ed' staring at my shirt front. Yay!

Fifth-gear is my favorite! Oooo, it's beautiful the way the engine can just FLY.

Not as fun as a broomstick though. Hehehehe. I've been re-reading the Harry Potter books to freshen my memory up a bit. And I think that Hagrid is my favorite character. Who else says words like "ruddy," "blimey" or "cogswallop"? You just gotta love the guy.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Beyonce

White Blouses
Let's see..one, two, three, four....
Yep, I now have all the white blouses I'll ever need.

Ever since I started working at the Bed & Breakfast my mom has gone on this white blouse spree. I know she loves me and just wants me to look nice on the job, but it's driving me crazy! The other day she pulled me into an old womens store to look at ladies' tuxedo shirts. It looked like a circus tent on a four-year old.

I tried telling her that I already HAVE professional looking clothes to the point where I've been accused of dressing like a thirty-year old woman by one of my friends. And my mom STILL thinks I dress a little on the scandalous side.

Can someone please loan me a NUN outfit? Maybe if I wore that I wouldn't get nagged. :O

(Tai-Chi breathing....)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I feel better now.

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: heavy metal

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